Blind Obedience

An article by Michael Flinner

It’s hard to know what to say to someone who has been struck by tragedy. Human beings reside on a planet filled with good and evil. These two elements make our individual lives complicated and quite painful.

Laws of nature tend to treat all of us alike; they possess a powerful energy. There are no exceptions made for good or bad people. These same laws of nature afflict nice, decent people. Much like a bullet, a malignant tumor, or an automobile gone terribly out of control, these laws have no conscience. They are the reasons why good people get hurt or sick just like anyone else.

A universe, in which good quality people suffer from similar natural dangers as others, does cause problems. But if such a world existed where good people were immune to the laws of nature, certainly this might create even worse problems.

Earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, and other disasters are certainly not an act of God; they are simple acts of nature. Nature is morally and ethically blind. Without values, it churns along creating its own laws, not remotely concerned about the welfare of whom or what gets in its way.

If we can bring ourselves to acknowledge that many things exist that are not controlled by God, some good will evolve.

Instead of holding on to unrealistic expectations of God, we can turn to Him for things He can do to assist us. We turn to Him, not to be judged or forgiven, not even to be rewarded or punished, but for spiritual strength and comfort.

Innocent people suffer misfortunes in their lives. Many things occur to them, far worse than they’ll ever deserve—they fall ill, lose their jobs, even their children suffer. When this happens, it isn’t God punishing them for their wrong doings. These misfortunes do not come from Him at all.

From within the perspective, one should find a sense of relief in coming to any conclusion that God is not doing this to us. When He is seen as a God of justice and not of power, He can still be on our sides when tragedy strikes. Our misfortunes are not His doing, therefore we can still turn to Him for help and guidance.

Here on death row in California, I have seen people crack and come completely unglued under the unbearable strain of tragedy. Sometimes in our blind reluctance to admit that unfairness exists in our world, we strive to persuade one another that our misfortunes really aren’t so bad.

Because our individual souls yearn for absolute justice, because we want so desperately to believe that God will somehow be fair to us, we fasten our hopes on the idea that living on this earth is not our only reality. Somewhere beyond this life is yet another world where those, whose lives were seemingly cut short, will be reunited with those they loved and will spend eternity with. This is the proverbial “last, becoming first.”

Belief in a world of eternity to come, where innocence is compensated for the suffering, can help people understand and endure the clear unfairness of life in this world without losing their faith. Perhaps in a form our earthly imaginations cannot conceive of, a reasoning wisdom for people in our dilemmas, we can stay mindful of the possibility that our lives somehow continue in some form beyond our respective deaths.

If there were some concise connection between fault and punishment, I might find it easier to believe that my tragedies and misfortunes were placed upon me to repair that which is faulty in my ways.

Similar to the underside of a tapestry, looked at from underneath in my vantage point here in life, God’s pattern of reward and punishment is seemingly arbitrary and without specific design. When I examine this concept from “outside the fishbowl,” I find however that God’s vantage point remains clear. Every twist, turn, and knot seems to have its place in a design that ultimately becomes a work of art.

Pointless misfortune, suffering as some sort of punishment for an unspecified sin, is quite difficult to bear. However, this same suffering, much like I endure here in prison almost daily, is a great contribution to the work of art designed by God Himself, not only as a tolerable burden but as a privilege. I find it terribly hard to accept hypothetical solutions to very real problems.

We must take this world as seriously as we can, since we cannot know for sure if it will be the only one we will ever have. Obviously, I would much rather be redeemed while I’m still alive here on earth. We have a loving Father up in Heaven above, and He will see to it that the wicked are properly punished and the good prosper. For me, I remain clear on my inability to expect that God will tell me what I’m being punished for. I’ve learned that nobody is perfect and that God certainly knows what He is doing. The world would only remain unlivable and chaotic if I didn’t assume this.

To say that everything works out in His world may be somewhat comforting to the casual bystander. For me however, as bereaved and unfortunate, it remains an insult. So, what do I do? I continue to tell myself that fortunate people believe that their good fortune is well-deserved, rather than being a matter of luck.

While I chant these words in my head, I also know all along that I still suffer the abuses of social condemnation on top of my already screwy, undeserving plight.

In prison, I’m surrounded by those who find comfort in laying blame on their victims, so that evil doesn’t seem so irrational and threatening. Oddly enough, I find no solace in blaming the victim in order to reassure myself that this world is not as bad a place as it seems, and that there must be a perfectly good reason for people’s suffering. In short, those who know they’re guilty, yet lay said blame, are unwilling to hold the world together theologically by admitting that they are, in fact, a villain.

By no means am I remotely perfect, but surely not so much worse than others by any intelligible moral standards. Do I deserve to meet life’s end while others lie to save God’s reputation?

I’m doing God’s will out of love for Him and not out of self interest. He may choose to give a person what he or she deserves, punishing the wicked and rewarding the righteous. Would He remain all-powerful if I, by living a virtuous life, could otherwise compel Him to protect and reward me? Do we live in a world from which we cannot expect fairness? Perhaps God is free of the limitations of righteousness and justice. If this is true, then perhaps He is above notions of fundamental fairness, being so incredibly powerful that absolutely no moral rules apply to Him; simply rewarding people for their loyalty, not for their goodness. Is He so powerful that he need not be fair? If this were true, many of us would otherwise be inclined to leave God and seek out and worship a source of justice, charity, forgiving refuge, and human dignity instead.

God doesn’t will the terrible things that happen to good men, women, and children. He just can’t always arrange for everyone to get what it is that they deserve. Which would you choose? A powerful God who is not totally good or a good God who is not totally powerful?

Despite my calamity, I believe that God wants the righteous to live happy, peaceful lives, but often times He can’t bring them about. When I look at my criminal conviction and continue to work toward truth, I find it is often times too difficult even for Him to keep chaos and cruelty from claiming innocent lives. Could man without God do it better? I think not.

The misfortunes of good, honest people and their families inevitably raise questions about the kindness, goodness, and even the existence of God in a livable world. Why?

Even if I could ever persuade myself that I somehow deserve this punishment for some sin of neglect or mishap that I was not aware of, on what grounds must I pay with my life? This can’t be happening! It’s not remotely how I believe the world works. For me, it is God’s accountability, sympathy, and fairness that are at issue here, not His existence.

For centuries, people have found reassuring proof of God in numerous stories of miracles. It seems like the point from which many of these stories were derived was to prove that He cared about us so much that He was willing to forego the laws of nature in order to support and protect those with whom He found favor.

I only wish to be released from the pain of living, not to grow intolerably weary in the struggle of life. I believe for many of us, we’ll come to a specific point or impasse where death will invariably be the only healer for the immense pain our lives contain. To me, this is not cruel and thoughtless. Vulnerability to death is one of many given conditions of living. It’s uncontrollable. The knowledge that we are in fact going to die someday changes our lives in many unforeseen ways. For me, I’ve been moved to try to cheat death by doing things that will inevitably outlive me—like writing my books and articles. Knowing that my time is limited gives immense value to the small things that I do. I suppose I’m trying to impact the world so I can be remembered fondly. We don’t have to the time to do everything. We must choose what suits us.

If man is really free to choose though, can he show himself as virtuous by freely picking the good when evil is equally possible? If we’re not free to select evil, then how can we be free to choose good? We can only be obedient or disobedient, convenient or inconvenient, almost like an animal.

Moral freedom means we can choose to be selfish or dishonest and God will not stop us. When we take something that doesn’t belong to us, He does not reach down from Heaven and slap our hand away. If we choose to hurt someone, He will not intervene and keep us from doing it. All we can learn is that there is a difference between right and wrong, good and evil. We will fall victim to our personal experiences if we don’t take His word for it.

While there is no turning back the evolutionary clock, God will not intervene and take away our freedom to choose, even if we choose to hurt ourselves and others. He will not remove the freedom that makes us human. He looks down in pity, with compassion at how little we’ve learned over time about our behavior.

I see that the cornerstone of my religious outlook is the very notion that human beings are free to choose the direction their respective lives will take.

Things that are happening to some of us may seem terribly tragic and unfair. Perhaps we don’t feel worthy of help. We allow anger, guilt, loneliness, and jealousy to make bad situations even worse. Unfortunately, we are the cause of what happens, especially the bad things. We are to blame when continuing to bear the scars of feeling at fault.

Surely, we cannot find pleasure in suffering for our misdeeds, but it might certainly be easier to accept them discovering that we live in a random world where things happen for no reason.

As difficult times have fallen heavily upon my shoulders, I have not been tempted to give up my faith in God. He has His reasons for what He is doing, and I know if we hold on to our faith long enough, He will compensate us for our misfortunes and suffering in ways we may never see or understand.

The closer you are to death, the harder you cling to life. Regardless of our choices and respective destinations, I’m cautiously optimistic that holding on to your faith will only provide you with some incredibly deserving inspiration.

“A man’s soul is the roadmap to his life.”

Michael Flinner
CDC V-30064
San Quentin State Prison
San Quentin, CA 94974
www.michaelflinner.org

©2005 by Michael Flinner