Value In The Eyes Of God

An article by Michael Flinner

The right to take Michael Flinner away from himself, belongs to no one. However, this is what is being done to me. My needs and desires have become all but a fantasy. I am a stranger to them.

No doubt about it, I can hardly imagine anyone with more will power, more moral stamina and more psychological endurance than I have myself. I know, for I have measured them all.

I will never share in the sins of this guilty country; contrary to what is said, "we are not all in this together".

Who would dare accept the ongoing responsibility for themselves and others that both I and countless prisoners across this globe have taken?

Each society provides men and women alike the prerogatives of adulthood. After a specific age, society regards us as men, we are referred to as "Sir", and no longer do they snoop in our affairs. Society becomes solicitous as a whole and begins to serve us. Our life-changing endroads and experiences relax our emotions as we are free to move about, pursuing pleasure, profit, danger, and love. From these experiences we learn about our strengths, weaknesses, and preferences, all the while, maturing emotionally.

But, should we get led astray for too long, we lose ourselves. It is the effect, not the cause.

This is how my plight onto Death Row tears me up inside. Daily unbearable pain takes me further from my life, from who I am. Strange but true, I'm far from conscious and cognizant of just how my very dissolution is eating away at my core. It's uncontrollable.

Seldom do I remove the mask long enough to broach these touchy subjects. In fact, I'm only now processing any such related thoughts as I write about them.

There's a large part of me which aimlessly wanders through my soul, rarely seeing or feeling actual objects. It lives and moves through my emotions, experiencing this life as a horrible nightmare. I can sometimes feel the awe one knows just prior to a phenomenon, its truth almost bottomless to contemplate.

I know, I will never find happiness on this side of death. It remains only a sense of romantic solution.

Prisons, whatever their nightmares, are not the dreams whose roots lead to eternity. They are simply infernal machines of distruction, designed solely for a prodigiously diseased society.

I know very little about a country's liberty. It is the penetration into the horrors and depths of incarceration which cause liberty to be questioned.

We, all of us, are so damn guilty of allowing the world around us to become tasteless and ugly. Just take a look around.

No universal system of justice or punishment which asks brave human beings to surrender their respective bravery, can ever be expected to work in concert with, and for the common good. This is an inconceivable dialogue. This notion completely violates matters out of which great civilizations are built.

At the core of penology lies the tremendous paradox, and from within derives the affliciton that is the prison system. Prisons are designed to gut and corrupt the timid, equally breaking down and relentlessly brutalizing the brave. It is when trepidation turns to treachery and courage to brutality, that injustice becomes the greatest cause of insanity beyond bars.

There is a point past which prisoners can get nothing more from being incarcerated, not even the very preservation of their will. This is no more feasible than the dreams of remission in the suffering cancer patient. Could prison be a species of Karma? Perhaps.

Most prison regimes have convicts making difficult decisions, decisions that will only fit a logical choice of either - or. You're never allowed to change, no contradictions are openly permitted, you are only required to submit. One cannot agree, as that might imply a sense of equality. So we revolt.

The model we are often forced to emulate is a defiant and introverted individual who knows not of forgiveness, tolerance, or mercy. Being illafforded the growing experience of these values turns many of us into martyrs who are forced, yet refuse to accept consequences.

A prisoner is taught that what is mandated of him is complete compliance, never to resist or directly contradict. Many are taught to plead and accept responsibility and guilt for things they never did.

It is difficult to conceive a society that concerns itself with the creative potential of violent individuals rather than the postured threat they may pose to the public. With this, solutions for future prisons may never exist. The very measurement of progressive imprisonment can only be found in the penitentiaries themselves.

I know prison like the pilot know his plane, the captain knows the sea, or the infant, the heartbeat of their mother.

No one who reads this will agree with all of my thoughts. There are some uncertain anomalies to becoming a successful writer, especially from within.

I am forging ideas from beneath the damage done to my soul by a life on Death Row.

Who knows what evil I may have committed if I never came to prison. Theoretically, no one should ever belong here. Everyone hurts in prison.

I missed successful indoctrination with the belief that I did this to myself. Perhaps this is the reason I've been here so long. I don't know.

Indoctrination is said to begin when we're arrested, charged and prosecuted. Once inside, it finds profound expression. The corruption begins. Theories become reality and truths become lies.

Perhaps I might have become indoctrinated for not the wicked, ingorant qualities of those who are employed in prisons and related facilities.

I'm not remotely responsible for what the government and its prisons has done to me. I certainly didn't do this to my damn self.

Only now, do I know enough to live, the downside is that my life has been thrown away in the process.

The fact that society as a whole has continued to drop its guard and place so much trust in the government is frightening.

Now, the stakes are far greater. Our minds are on the line today in prison, whereas before, it was primarily physicial suffering. It is said that the most dangerous prisoners in the world today are behind bars. They kill more efficiently and are far more likely to die for their beliefs; they are more sophisticated in every way.

Knowledge comes from experience. Books help us understand these experiences. Self preservation.

There aren't too many books of philosophical significance that I've not read.

Not only is it my observation but, that of facility authorities: the most dangerous of convicts are the readers and writers.

Books are terribly dangerous where injustice breeds.

Prison officials constantly suggest or imply that convicts misuse their knowledge when allowed to educate themselves according to their respective natural impulses. They expect the public to believe that the information imparted from such books as Almanacs and Encyclopedias, assists us in making such things as weapons, bombs, etc.

The education programs set forth in the penal system are in place so that those who should attend, will learn only what the prisons want them to learn. Nothing more, nothing less. It's a mockery.

Oppressed men however, know the intrinsic value of educational material and books. The prison systems feel that if convicts with such material ever become enamored of, or curious about a particular concept, and decide to pursue it, they must be on a destructive path into rebellion. Literary suicide perhaps.

Me... I'm doing my very best on my own, with what I have, to better myself in a spiritual sense. It is a very conscious wish of mine.

What I'm saying, is the rights afforded the prison population are those which are seemingly left to the authorities' discretion. A one way street.

We are only a few steps removed from society. Unfortunately, after us... comes you!

Information means power but unfortunately, a great deal of misinformation about our criminal justice system abounds. Because of current political climates, we must challenge the myths about the system by getting and sharing accurate information with others.

Sentenced to death in California, leaves me emotionally disabled, near physical breakdown but, I'm diligently attempting to organize communities to be vocal, as well as visible, in the struggle for abolition. My voice will be heard.

Through publications and other forms of media outreach such as those you will find at www.michaelflinner.org, we can all work forward, alerting the public to the long-term effect of our present system and its numerous barriers.

I hope you'll join me in my personal crusade against Capital Punishment. If nothing else, take a minute to get acquainted with some of the harsh realities and facts by visiting either of the aforementioned links.

Regardless of our respective destinations, I am cautiously optimistic that your time well spent, will provide you with some incredibly deserving inspiration.

As human life is sacred, every person has value in the eyes of God.

Michael Flinner
CDC V-30064
San Quentin State Prison
San Quentin, CA 94974
USA

© by Michael Flinner